Sick Sense

I hate hospitals. Nothing on doctors, though; it's just the hospitals I hate. Their antiseptic smell has death written all over my nostrils. I don't know why I have this abomination of hospitals. I have not seen anyone die in a hospital; neither do I have any real-life emergency drama, ER style, that has anything to do with hospitals. In fact, I don't remember any instance why I should feel traumatize with hospitals. Half of my family members belong to health-related services, with four more on the way. I can count with my one hand the number of times I have been in a hospital and those instances were merely due to my parents' insistence that I have a check-up. Better safe than sorry seems to be their motto when it comes to health. And those check-ups aren't life-threatening either. Maybe it's just one of those things you grow up to hate, like peanut butter sandwiches.

I find it really funny though, my hatred of hospitals. Up until high school, my greatest ambition was to become a doctor, a neurosurgeon, even. The reason why I took up Law, which is at the other end of the professional spectrum, and gave up my kiddie ambition of becoming a doctor altogether, was because the University where I passed my pre-medical course was too stifling. Meanwhile, the University where I passed my pre-Law course was too spacious - I had to ride a jeepney to get from one building to the other. Lousy way to choose a career, I know. Oh well, I knew I'd suck at being a doctor anyway.

For one, I'm terrified of hospitals, for reasons I cannot fathom. Second, I get queasy with the sight of blood, even my own. There was this one time, well, two times actually, when I had to have my blood taken for tests - one for hyperthyroidism, the other for anemia - I cried...both times. And I was in my late twenties already. Third, I realized that the only reason the medical profession appealed to me before was the starkly white doctor's hospital suit.

I had an emergency room experience today because of chest pains my mom made a big deal about. The process I had to go through was not at all pleasant. I had to share sections with men. Thank goodness for that really considerate intern or nurse, I don't really know the difference, he transferred me to the end of the room where I had a section all by myself. And better too, because the ECG involved sticking whatever to areas near my breast. I don't mind getting nude for doctors (it's an occupational hazard on their part), but getting nude for other patients is a whole different story. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with me except for an inflammation due to stress. Nothing that a nice warm bath and a relaxing vacation can't fix.

I still hate hospitals but I like watching television series pertaining to the medical field. That's probably the extent of my fascination for ERs, or ORs, or whatever else acronyms the health department come up with. But I have a huge respect for doctors, and there are times when I would still imagine myself in those white coat with a stethoscope hanging around my neck. When I meet doctors in hospitals, I cannot stop myself from gazing at them. They seem so...white. Only I prefer power suits and briefcases now. Much more colorful.